Why I Wrote Midnight Mercies

Years ago, I imagined motherhood would be full of joyous milestones and memorable moments. What I didn’t expect was so much hurt, heartbreak, conflict, and disappointment. I’ve often felt clueless and incapable. I’ve beaten myself up for not being the mother I thought I should be—the kind of Christian woman who can handle whatever comes her way with a pep in her step and a smile on her face. That’s one of the reasons I sought to write this book. I want to debunk the notion that faithful believers never groan as they wearily plod through the miserable muck of life. God knows they do. Frequently.

But while much of what I share in these pages is relevant to suffering saints in general, I offer Midnight Mercies specifically to depressed mothers because there are so few biblical counseling resources that give voice to their experiences of despair. Suicide attempts among pregnant and postpartum women are rising steadily. That “mommy needs wine” to cope with stress and sorrow has become a highly marketable and socially acceptable message in the U.S.—even among professing Christians. As a mother whose story includes the experience of suicidal ideations and the use of alcohol in depression, I want to bear witness to Christ’s light in the dark night of the soul.

I want to testify to God’s mercy in the midnight of motherhood.