Encouraging Women to Pour Out Their Hearts to God

as featured at the Institute for Biblical Counseling & Discipleship
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"Through biblical lament, we are invited to cast all our cares, questions, and concerns upon the Lord. Instead of bottling up or blowing up, we are invited to bow down before God in prayer—to unburden our hearts without fear of rejection or reproach."
I speak regularly with Christian women who are wading through some measure of sorrow or suffering in their lives. Sometimes these sisters are navigating heartbreak and discouragement. Other times, they feel disillusioned because their knowledge of God doesn’t appear to align with their lived experience. Whatever the cause for their anguish, they often want to know what to do in order to feel or think differently about their situation—and understandably so. Who among us wants to wrestle with distressing thoughts and emotions? Does anyone enjoy feeling stuck in the muck of their inner world?

If you minister to women, you may also find them seeking guidance on how to change their thinking, or what they can do to “feel better” when they’re anxious, angry, or afflicted in heart. While Scripture teaches how God produces Christlike change, we need to remember—and teach the women we care for—that sanctification is not a self-help program but a lifelong process of divinely enabled change (Philippians 2:12-13). Our aim in biblical counseling is not simply to help women feel or think differently about their troubles, but to help them turn to the Lord more readily in the midst of them. One way we do this is by counseling them to pour out their hearts to God—to cry out in faith with both authenticity and reverence.
Recognize Two Common Responses
As we help a sister to bring her cares honestly to God, it can be wise to ask how she typically reacts when difficult emotions start rising to the surface. As I’ve looked back on my own journey and surveyed the counseling conversations I’ve had over the years, I’ve noticed two common ditches we can fall into in response to our inner turmoil: we may bottle up in avoidance or blow up in opposition. Those of us who are prone to “bottle up” do what we can to silence our grief, ignore our pain, numb our conscience, or even erase our memories. On the other hand, some of us are prone to “blow up,” allowing grief, pain, conviction, or a sense of injustice to harden into an angry stance against others—or even against God. We might even find ourselves vacillating between the two, at times. What is bottled up may eventually spill out, be it in emotional outbursts, destructive habits, or addictive behaviors.

Learning which of these responses resonate with her can provide valuable counseling insights. Not only can you get a better feel for her understanding of the role of emotions in the Christian life[1], but you also get a springboard for meaningful gospel conversation. In Christ, God has provided us a third way to engage our distressing thoughts and emotions. Through biblical lament, we are invited to cast all our cares, questions, and concerns upon the Lord (1 Peter 5:7). Instead of bottling up or blowing up, we are invited to bow down before God in prayer—to unburden our hearts without fear of rejection or reproach (Hebrews 4:16).[2]
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