Finding the Root of Our Impatience

I was recently asked this question by a reader and thought it to be a terrific opportunity not only to reflect on my own heart, but also on what the Scriptures have to say about our struggles with impatience.

Many of us, especially those with young children, find ourselves losing the battle to remain cool, calm, and collected when our patience is being tested. Quite frankly, the hope for change can appear slim as we see ourselves falling into the same response patterns time and time again. Yet as with any issue of the heart, God’s Word has much to say about our impatience, just not in the way we might think.

The biggest key in overcoming our impatient tendencies is to first recognize it as a sour fruit of a bad root. Our impatience is a red flag of something else lying under the surface—a deeper heart issue that is being exposed by our inability to extend grace to our children or loved ones.

Here are some common examples of how impatience might look in our day, and the biblical sin that is producing what the Scriptures would call a "fruit of the flesh" (Galatians 5:19-20):

Somewhere in our impatience is the passion we have to be served, to be in control, to be obeyed—to be like God. Pride is our biggest stumbling block to growing in patience.

When I fail to give grace to my children, it’s because I’m angry at their behavior or the inconvenience they're causing me. Other times, I'm bitter about having to deal with their sin because I'd rather be doing something different—something my desires deem more important. Underlying all of this is my pride—the feeling that I deserve better than what the other person (child, or otherwise) is giving me.

By giving a biblical label to the sin uncovered by our impatient responses, we can know the precise Scriptures to seek out and pray over. It's not until we address these underlying issues within our hearts that we can weed out those harmful roots—making room for the fruit of the Spirit to bud forth (Galatians 5:22-23).

Once we've pinpointed the root cause of our impatience, we need to confess it—not only to the Lord, but also to others. Confession and repentance are critical. We cannot assume the Scriptures are a wand to waive while we await some magical dose of patience. God does not obey for us, but he does give us the strength and power to put off sinful responses when impatience knocks on our door (1 Corinthians 10:13). What we ultimately need is a supernaturally changed heart—one that will remain faithful to obeying God when we aren’t getting what we want. The only way to achieve such a heart is by the work of the Holy Spirit.

The Spirit propels us toward heart change as we identify sin, confess it, repent of it, and seek forgiveness from those we’ve been impatient with (Proverbs 28:13, James 5:16, 1 John 1:9). We may think it silly to ask our toddler or young child to forgive us of our impatience, but we're aiming to address our hearts, first and foremost. Therefore, confessing and asking forgiveness from your little one when you have slipped into the impatience trap for the umpteenth time is of tremendous value. After all, is there ever too young of an age to model this biblical exercise of faith? From whom else are they to learn?

In the thick of the moment, when feelings of anger rise up within us, may our prayer for help from the Lord turn into confessional plea. Let’s confess as soon as we feel the selfish desires and motives within us, which prohibit our ability to give graceful attention to our children:

“Lord, I am growing angry over this {inconvenience, situation, accident, behavioral issue, etc.} I repent of my anger and ask for your grace to change my heart! Remind me of your unending patience toward me, the biggest of sinners! Empower me by your Spirit to respond gently in love. 'Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!'" (Psalm 143:10)